And then there’s the “id” part, which is the part where stuff blows up real good, and huge machines smash each other up. And every single performance is so ridiculous that it looks down on “over the top” as if from a great height. It’s the part of your brain that thinks it would be awesome to see robots with giant dangling testicles, or hot chicks turning into robot tentacle monsters, or “ghetto” robots that talk in inept hip-hop slang and smash each other playfully, or funny Jewish men who talk about their “schmear” and randomly strip to their G-strings. Is that going too far? Then let’s go 100 times farther than that and see what happens!

– Charlie Jane Anders

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

– Roger Ebert

Watching “Revenge of the Fallen,” I got the overpowering sense that Michael Bay has been reined in over the years and given some semblance of storytelling discipline by his longtime producer Jerry Bruckheimer and “Transformers 1″ producer Steven Spielberg, but that on this movie (maybe because of the WGA strike, maybe because of the success of the last movie) Bay was finally let off the leash, as it were — with results that might be Bay’s purest auteurist statement, but which are also frankly kind of ugly.

– Mike Russell

… and lots more, in which even the reviews Rotten Tomatoes marks “positive” are pretty backhanded, as in “Good when it is good, but extremely, shockingly, horrifyingly bad when it is bad.”

However, I feel confident in saying that only in a Bollywood film would it occur to anyone to combine the two:

I’ve just melted my brain. Please address future correspondence to my next of kin.

I’m just having trouble picturing this. Peanut gallery, what say you?

Don’t forget to stay until after the credits.

squee.

Definitely, Maybe — I like Ryan Reynolds quite a bit, but he fell a little flat for me in this, and I’m not sure if he was really bad or if he just didn’t have much to work with. All three of the women he’s involved with are wonderful, and of course Abigail Breslin is fantastic. I didn’t even recognize Kevin Kline until I saw his name in the credits, but he’s great too. It’s a perfectly sweet movie, and I’ll probably add it to my chick flick collection. It’s frustrating, though, because if it had had a stronger role and/or performance for the male lead, I think it could have been one of the few really great chick flicks. Alas, I was left thinking that all the girls could have done better.

No Country for Old Men — I’m somewhat baffled as to why this won all the awards it did. The cast is superb, and the plot engrossing, but the ending is unsatisfying in the extreme. We were at my parents’ with a guest who was reading the book, so when we got home from the theater, we flipped to the end. Nope, no enlightenment there; the book ends the same way. Eh. We had lots of fun nitpicking the anachronisms, though. (Were ATMs common, or even in existence, in West Texas in 1980?) Javier Bardem was great, and I look forward to seeing what he takes on next — no doubt all kinds of choice scripts are coming his way.

Charlie Bartlett — It’s Ferris Bueller for the Ritalin generation! It was just as much fun as the trailer made it out to be, but had some darker moments that I didn’t expect. Anton Yelchin really holds his own in some pretty intense scenes with Robert Downey, Jr., so I expect future greatness. I liked Kat Dennings, too, which reassured me that I won’t hate her in Nick and Norah.

Small screen stuff:

Wonderfalls — I’d seen a couple of episodes when it aired, but wasn’t drawn in by it. Later I was told that Jaye becomes much more likeable in the unaired episodes — typical for a Fox show — so I gave it another shot, and liked it much better this time around. Lee Pace’s presence helped. It’s a pretty tart show, so I wasn’t expecting such a sweet ending, but it worked well.

New Amsterdam — Surprisingly good for the latest entry in the immortal detective genre. Casting an actual European helps with the accented flashbacks. (Remember how awful David Boreanaz was when forced to fake an Irish accent?) While giving a hilarious nod to Highlander, they’ve gone a very different direction with this character: he can and does have kids, and at least a couple of them (as adults) know who and what he is. That adds a lot of complexity to his history. The explanation for his immortality is cheesy as hell, but that’s expected. I like.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles — The show is uneven as hell, but when it’s good, it’s very, very good. That last episode was delightfully chilling. And Brian Austin Green, of all people, is doing a damn fine job as Kyle Reese’s big brother. John Connor is the weakest link, but it’s not Thomas Dekker’s fault; John’s just being written as an idiot about half the time. Fox damn well better bring this back. If nothing else, we must see a Terminator go on a prom date.

State of Play — we’re halfway through this miniseries from the BBC. The first two episodes were stunningly good, and then the third one fell off a little. I’ll let you know how it turns out. (ETA: very well indeed.) The cast is amazing: both leads from Life on Mars plus Polly Walker, Kelly Macdonald, James McAvoy, Bill Nighy, and who knows who else will show up before it’s done. I’d read about this because it’s being remade as a feature. I don’t see the point; it’s excellent as is.

Our B&N is usually very precise about release dates, but they must be slipping due to the holiday; I found Dust there a few days early as well. I’ve finished that one, too, but I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I enjoyed it, and there’s no question that it’s full of great ideas, but at the same time, something about it doesn’t sit right with me, and I don’t think I like it as much as Bear’s other work. I’m putting it aside for further analysis.

Still working my way through the Rifters series. Stay tuned.

Movies:

Juno is hilarious and wonderful, and I must see it again. I was afraid all the really good stuff was in the trailer, but I was wrong. While part of the plot was predictable, the other part kept me guessing.

Atonement is not a happy film, but then I knew that going in. I was pleased with it both as an adaptation and as its own story, which is pretty rare. I thought the music was especially great for incorporating the sound of manual typewriters, and it was a nice way of threading the physical act of writing through the film in lieu of all the book’s wonderful observations on writing that couldn’t be conveyed visually.

Charlie Wilson’s War is up next. It’s been ages since I had a Sorkin fix.

Michael finished his fall classes last week, did OK in both, and starts a minimester tomorrow, unless he can talk his advisor into substituting an old credit for this class. (ETA: He did! Yay!) His physics study partner has been providing endless entertainment this semester, as we watch her flail through the local post-college social scene.

Work has been interesting, in the Chinese sense. My office is involved in a project that has gone worse than any other project of its kind ever has before, or so we’re told. Thankfully it’s not our fault, and not our job to fix. Of course, we still have to deal with the fallout.

My family — usually reliable on Christmas plans — is in disarray this year because of Mom’s shoulder surgery (she’s fine, but in a sling) and my cousin’s upcoming wedding. Still not sure what we’re doing. Hoping it doesn’t involve gift exchanges, because I’ve bought zilch.

I have some family financial crap that has to be taken care of in two weeks or so, and I have a lot of reading to do.

We now have HD on our HDTV. Michael: “I’m watching nature shows because they’re pretty.”

He got scolded about his cholesterol last month, so I’ve been cooking a lot more. A LOT more. It’s taken an enormous amount of my time, but I no longer want to go out to eat because the stuff we’re having at home is so good.

some lightening-fast reviews:

Atonement, the novel: OMG slow. Good observations on writing, though. Seeing the movie this weekend, more than likely.

I Am Legend, the movie: I thought it was excellent, although the rest of my party ranged from “meh” to “ugh.” I don’t feel that I need to see it again… ever. (Parts of it were very hard to watch.) I’ll probably read the book.

Starfish, by Peter Watts: well. I thought it was very dark, and then I started the sequel, Maelstrom. I have a feeling my definition of “dark” is going to get revised before I finish this trilogy. I’m engrossed, though. It’s been a while since a hard SF novel really grabbed me. Starfish I could put down; Maelstrom, I think, is going to own me.

Back to the salt mines…

… and then. the. movie.

slowed.

down.

.

OMG slow.

How did I not notice going in that this thing was 2:40??!

My pithy sum-up: Jesse James was kind of a weird dude… oh and also, no one here gives a shit about Bob, including the audience. Which is a damn shame, since Bob is our main character.

Here’s a hint to Hollywood screenwriters: when you sit down to adapt a book, and you realize that a lot of your big moments happen in the narration rather than the action, you are incorrect in thinking, “I know! We’ll just get a really great narrator and it’ll all be OK!” Put down the script, back away slowly, and go find another project with more showing and less telling.

As for this… eh. If you want to see Casey Affleck being surprisingly good, go see Gone Baby Gone. It has pacing problems too, but it’s a much more satisfying movie. If you want to see a nice crunchy Western, try 3:10 to Yuma. If you really want to see Brad Pitt play Jesse James… well, OK, I guess. It’s kind of like his Twelve Monkeys role crossed with Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday, if you want to know. But if I can’t stop you, so be it. Just don’t blame me when you realize that you are done with this movie and there are still two hours to go. I tried to warn you.