sillybean.net » Absurdity

Trying to be… V?

steph — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 22:16:01 +0000

There have been jokes for years about Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery, and how he’d never be as pretty as Diana Ross. I just found him painful to look at since he’d so drastically altered his face. Now, of course, the images are hard to escape, and I’m thinking it wasn’t Diana Ross he was imitating. It was V.

Amazon: staffed by hypocritical jackasses

steph — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 23:20:10 +0000

Not five minutes after posting a quick word about #amazonfail, I skimmed my home page to see what I’d linked to lately, just out of curiosity, and visited the onion goggles from the Castle post.

What’s that category linked right at the top of the Health & Personal Care category? Sexual Wellness? That can’t be what I think it is, can it? Not with books on understanding your GLBT child being censored…?

Click for full screenshot

So I can go to a category home page and be presented with paddles, whips, and ticklers; ramps and cushions; anal sex toys and all the Boy Butter my credit card will allow… but I can’t search for Heather Has Two Mommies, Brokeback Mountain, Jacqueline Carey’s second Kushiel trilogy, Sarah Waters, E. Lynn Harris, Patricia Highsmith, or books on challenging homophobia or Harvey Milk. (Here’s a long list of things you’ll no longer find by searching.) And if I search for “homosexuality” in books, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality comes right up, but suicide prevention manuals for gay teens have been removed from the search results.

I see.

I am so disgusted with Amazon right now that I can’t see straight.

Are you angry too? Link to Amazon rank. Spread the word on Twitter.

Whatever Superman is trying to do with his hips here, it’s not working.

steph — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 19:33:12 +0000

Far be it from me to deny the cheese factor in the early Superman movies, or in the street dancing scenes that were so popular in the ’80s.

However, I feel confident in saying that only in a Bollywood film would it occur to anyone to combine the two:

I’ve just melted my brain. Please address future correspondence to my next of kin.

Someone open the wormhole and get us out of here

steph — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:10:50 +0000

We’ve landed in Bizarro-world:

Why Secretary Paulson asked for seven hundred billion dollars: “It’s not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.” Excuse me while I run screaming around the room here for a minute.

OK, I’m done. Next up: McCain is running around like a headless chicken, blowing off Letterman to “dash back to Washington”… and instead sitting for an interview with Couric, giving speeches in New York, and generally being everywhere but Washington. As usual, Scalzi has the guy’s number: “He is the Sir Robin of 2008 presidential election.”

And finally, PETA has lost its collective mind: The Breast Is Best! PETA Asks Ben & Jerry’s to Dump Dairy and Go With Human Milk Instead.

Morning with McSweeney’s

steph — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:34:42 +0000

Hamlet: Facebook news feed edition

The king poked the queen.

The queen poked the king back.

Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.

Marcellus is pretty sure something’s rotten around here.

Hamlet became a fan of daggers.

Lit 101 Class in Three Lines or Less

Paradise Lost

ADAM: Paradise has arbitrary dietary restrictions?

DEVIL: They’re really more like guidelines.

GOD: Incorrect.

Corrections to Last Month’s Letters to Penthouse Forum

In the letter “And Wifey Makes Three,” the letter writer stated: “My wife was eager to engage in a threesome with me and our incredibly hot 19-year-old babysitter.” The sentence should read: “My wife was disgusted, repulsed, and, in every imaginable way, opposed to the thought of engaging in a threesome with me and our incredibly hot 19-year-old babysitter.”

Paco y Juan

steph — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:44:11 +0000

When Michael and Shenan are cooking, fixing a computer, or tiling a bathroom, they become Paco and Juan. As of this week, their adventures will be chronicled at the new Paco y Juan website. As you can see, the monkey has found a new home, and ~~Shenan~~ Juan has a snazzy ~~soap dish~~ business card holder for his office. I’m Serafina over there. If Sarah has named her alter ego, I’ve already forgotten.

They have some lovely green aprons for grilling. We’re thinking of getting that chili graphic screen printed on them.

They’re planning to post some of their recipes and computer tips. I’m sure other potentially amusing things will end up over there, in time.

Contemplating the monkey

steph — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:57:10 +0000

I can’t stop thinking about the process that led to a ceramic monkey trash can arriving on the shelves at Target. I mean, let’s take another look at this thing:

Someone designed that. (“What is missing from my monkey trash can? YES. A banana. That’s it. My work here is done.”) And furthermore, someone else approved the design (“Why yes, this is good, there are Americans who will pay money for this.”) and sent it off to a manufacturing division somewhere. And someone in the manufacturing division said, “Plastics will not do justice to this objet dâ

Never, ever send the boys to Target by themselves.

steph — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 02:04:38 +0000

Shopping: they’re doing it wrong.

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

steph — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:52:18 +0000

Short version: Joss Whedon has a musical web serial; go watch it.

Longer version: this is the video blog of Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris), a hapless evil genius who’s trying to perfect a freeze ray that will stop time long enough for him to figure out what to say to the pretty girl at the laundromat (Felicia Day). He’s also awaiting the results of his application to a league of evildoers. His escapades are mostly thwarted by Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion), a beefy guy in a tight T-shirt and improbable gloves. This is a musical, so occasionally everyone just breaks into song… as you do when lamenting the imperfections of your freeze ray.

It goes without saying that it’s hilarious, but the music is surprisingly good.

The last act will be posted tomorrow. The whole thing will be available until midnight (not sure what time zone) Sunday, after which you’ll have to get all three parts on iTunes or wait for the DVD. Go forth and watch!

Overheard

steph — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 04:47:06 +0000

We were in the mood for hamburgers tonight, so we went to a little joint where they have half a dozen booths ranged around a long bar. It’s built-in entertainment: you, the sit-down diner, get to listen to the conversations of the beer-and-wings diners.

Our bar guys tonight were most excellent entertainment, being loud, ignorant, and drunk. (The trifecta!) They were overweight, unshaven, trucker-cap-wearing white guys holding forth on politics: the Iraq war, affirmative action, the presidential candidates. Their logic was torturous, their conclusions baffling, their remarks punctuated with fists pounded on the bar. We spent the better part of our dinner either chuckling into our plates or making “OH NO HE DIDN’T” faces at one another.

We were almost done by the time they worked their way around to Obama, who is “willing to do anything to the black man if it lets him keep his power.” Having assured each other of this, they decided that Obama is thus a white man and uttered this triumphant declaration as we scurried out the door: “Obama and [Jesse] Jackson are slave traders!”

Ladies and gentlemen, America’s voting public.